Buying empowerment

I had not been in the orphanage more than two hours before someone was asking me to finance/support/fund any given "special project" that was being proposed.  Since those first two hours I have been invited into about nine different meetings where I was made aware of needs and then stared at blankly.

I've only been asked outright a few times.  Most often it happens much more passively.

"Yes.  So, here we are in the science lab.  As you can see, we have no supplies.  Without supplies, our students cannot take their tests."  

All eyes turn to me.  Long silences ensue.  

I have no inclination to fill the silence or to meet the need.

Perhaps, at one point in my life, I would have opened my checkbook and said, "how much do you need?"

Not now.  Not anymore.

It's not that I've become stingy as I've matured.  I don't mean that at all.  I have, however, become educated on the ethics of helping people, charity, empowerment, and entitlement.

I thank my grad school program.  so should the people I've been working with, although they probably see my lack of financial contribution as a failed mission.  So should any westerners that choose to come here after I leave.  They owe me a lot. 

In better understanding the world, the history of the world, and humanity, I have better understood the effect of hand outs on communities.  When people come to communities and fix problems they perpetuate the notions that the people within the community are unable to meet their own needs.  The people within the community internalize this process, believing that outsiders with money must come to solve their problems.  

It makes things ugly.  

Today i asked my host family about the wealth of individual nations in Africa.  I want to know who is considered wealthy and who is considered poor.  

Apparently, South Africa is doing quite well while Zimbabwe couldn't be doing worse.  Knowing the economic status of these countries wasn't enough for me.  I wanted to know why and how they held their respective ranks, all through the eyes of this African family.  

There was one and only one answer for both countries; outside investors.

South Africa had outside investors.  Zimbabwe banned outside investors.

Wealth comes from the outside.  Poverty comes from the inside.

The roots of the ideology run deep.  So deep, in fact, that I can't make it a day without being told that I am the answer to their very literal prayers.

I'm not, though.  I'm not at all.  

I want to tell them about my philosophy of helping people and worldview and framework of empowerment.  I want to tell them that I'm not going to buy them things or pay their bills or fix their problems.  I want to tell them that I will leave in less than a month and they will still be here with the same reality they have always had.  I can't change it. I can only change what they believe about it, about themselves.

So I say nothing and let the awkwardness bathe us. 

As difficult as it is to let the silence fill the air, not offering any financial solutions to the problems proposed, it is far more difficult to mend a dependent society that doesn't believe in itself.  

I could make the awkward go away with a trip to the ATM.  I can't think of a more selfish use of my money.

I will remain a failed mission for these people, offering only to educate and serve.  

I will remain true to what I believe to be in the best interest of community.  

I will believe in this community.